For two years I worked really hard at losing weight and getting in shape. I set lots of challenges, like completing the Warrior Dash, and this year the Alien half-marathon. I worked really hard at getting fit, and then summer happened It started with Fair and went downhill from there. Shortly after the week long binge known as fair, Equestrian Team started and we had a presidential primary election in the Cerk's office where I work. Lots of practices, overtime, and excessive sleep deprivation kept me from working out. I suppose some of it also had to do with things changing at the gym. My trainer left and I felt like I just needed a break from it all after that. I let things go. I would work out intermittently and do classes but it just wasn't the same.
Then this past weekend, after spending some time with friends working an event that spanned 3 days, I just didn't like how I looked or felt. I had put back on some weight and lost some muscle tone. On Monday morning I woke up feeling like a slug. I hated it.
Now, during this whole life-changing process, I never set a final weight goal. I'm not really sure why I didn't. It was mostly a mental thing I suppose and I would just tell people "I'll know when I get there". I wasn't ready for what it would mean to reach that goal, so I put it off. On Monday, November 12, 2012 I finally decided it was time. This year has been such an emotionally up and down year for me. I had friends come into my life and friends leave my life (sometimes they were one in the same). I had been hurt over and over and I just felt so out of control personally that I realized I need something that I can control. I need something to get me back in focus on what is really important - changing myself and not worrying about anyone else. This personal journey isn't about other people or how they view me, its about me and how I view myself. Over the past three months, I started slipping back into insecurity and questioning my own worth because of how other people treated me and I realized I need to get back the confidence that comes with knowing you tried your hardest and achieved what you never thought you could. Working out and getting fit gives me that.
The more I thought about it on Monday, the more I realized that It was time to start the second part of this journey. I'd been putting it off for a multitude of reasons but I guess I realize that, even though it will be through the holiday season, I need to do this for myself. So I set my goal, which I am keeping between me and my trainer. It may need to be adjusted as I get closer but I have a number in my head and I need to lose over 20 pounds by April 1, 2013. Why April 1st? Because that is the day I will celebrate by jumping out of a plane with some friends and knocking another item off of my bucket list...another thing that has lacked attention this year! So, I will try to be accountable by keeping this blog updated for once. Should be interesting and given my personality; hopefully entertaining. And my daughters better lock up their clothes, because when I reach this goal...you better bet I'll be borrowing them :)
