Continuing the Journey...

I have been going to Anytime steadily since I joined. This month I have only missed 1 day a week so far, because everyone needs a day of rest. I quickly realized I did not know what I was doing so I used my two free training sessions and enlisted the services of one of the club trainers, Greg (an ex-marine). I train with Greg 2 times a week and then do a boot camp with him and a group of other people on the third day.

I have to say, I am loving the gym experience, loving the exercise, loving working hard at something knowing I am going to be beautiful in the end (or hoping so anyway). I workout hard and push beyond what I thought I could do. Greg always pushes me to do more but also helps me be realistic about my limitations.

So far I have lost 2 inches in my hips and an inch in each thigh :)

And...just this morning my eldest daughter, while decorating the Christmas tree pulled out an ornament with a picture of me on it from last year sometime, and said "See how much weight you've lost mom!" That felt good :)

Joined a Gym

So that last post was well over a month ago...more like 3. What has happened? I went to fair and it all went to hell. I hate being fat, absolutely despise it so guess what I did today...go ahead, I'll wait.............................................
Okay so I joined the local Anytime Fitness. It is 5 minutes from my work and my evil plan is to go at lunch 5 days a week and work out. There are two benefits to this, #1 - I get fit, #2 - it forces me to actually take a lunch!!!

Work has been stressful and my personal life has been stressful so this could really help, at least I hope so. My husband I am sure would appreciate a smaller version of me. And I could use a break at work each day because the office is so damn stressful.

I will try to keep a blog of my unique journey.

What Fat Feels Like

I never ever envisioned being 196 pounds. I was always 98 pounds in High School. I could eat what I wanted and never gained an ounce. I am not sure what happened but now I weigh in at 196 pounds. I am 45 years old, 5' 1", am morbidly obese, hating it and at times, hating myself.

What does Fat feel like? Prepare for brutal honesty...

My knees, hips and ankles hurt all the time. I cannot sit comfortably unless I am sitting straight up on the edge of a chair leaning slightly forward. I get winded walking up the stairs and plan what I need each day so I won't have to make the trek back up the stairs once I am dressed and downstairs. I drive everywhere and always look for the closest parking spot because I get winded walking into the store. My feet hurt constantly. I find myself sticking my chin out to avoid a double chin for photographs (when I allow them to be taken) and when certain people stop by to talk to me. I cannot see my pubic hair anymore. My bras hurt by the end of the day because they are so tight, digging into my back, and it is difficult to adjust them comfortably. And since I am on that subject, good luck finding a bra that actually fits. When I lie down at night, the fat in my neck pushes into my neck and is very uncomfortable, making it at times makes it hard to breathe. I try to lie on my side but the pressure the extra pounds puts on my hip joints is unbearable and I cannot lay that way long. Sleeping on my stomach is laughable.

I do not feel attractive, I do not feel sexy and dread my husband seeing me naked. Sex is uncomfortable, not only because I find my new "shape" disgusting but because I've had panic attacks not being able to breathe (though I hide this from my husband).

And, as if this isn't bad enough, I got the "intervention" from my mother when I visited her this weekend. Who wants to hear their 70 year old mother tell them that she is in fear for your health??? It was AWFUL! I cannot stand the thought of her worrying about me. So it starts today...the change starts today because I CANNOT live like this anymore. I've done it once before, damn it, I can do it again! IT STARTS TODAY!!!