So I've lost 36 pounds, weigh 160.4 lbs and can fit (depending on the manufacturer) in a size 8/10 or Medium. A year ago, I was 196.4 pounds and wearing XXL or 16/18 clothing.
Now, I workout as often as I can. If offered a training session by my awesome trainer Greg Taylor at Anytime Fitness in Ortonville (both deserve a plug!) I totally take him up on it. The more, the better.
A year ago, if you offered me more cake ... what the heck, I was already overweight so what did it matter. I hated doing anything that involved cardio but still tried to act like I was fit enough to stand at a horse show taking pictures all day, which resulted in ALOT of pain!
Recently, people have been telling me how awesome I look. How skinny I look. I get congratulated frequently. The paper did a story on how I completed the Warrior Dash (http://oxfordleader.com/one-dirty-runwarrior-dash-5k/) and people congratulate me for that also. I have to be honest and say I have no idea how to handle this. I have to fight the overwhelming urge to minimize what I have accomplished and merely say "Thank you" with a smile and acknowledge that I have worked really hard. So why is it so awkward for me? Its hard to know how to act when you go from being somewhat invisible to being noticed by people. I am used to being overlooked and was comfortable with that. But now, people are noticing not just the change in my body, but the change in ME and I am struggling to know how to cope with it.
Don't get me wrong, who doesn't love positive attention! I do love it. But there is always the little voice in the back of my head telling me that "you aren't there yet", "you'll never reach your goal", "people are just being nice, they don't mean it". Its that voice that I have to overcome on a daily basis. Its the same stupid voice I listened to for the past ... um... all my life. The voice often tells me I don't measure up and never will and the voice needs to go away.
I'm trying to come to grips with new things like confidence. Its like coming out of a fog and looking into a mirror at yourself in a way you never did before. Sometimes I have an urge to go back to where its safe, for what I know is comfortable...but with renewed confidence and self-awareness this only lasts a moment and I head back to the gym. Sometimes the new me gets really scared that this is just a "phase" and I will stop going to the gym. I panic and resolve to not let my new active lifestyle be a fad.
I've not completed my journey. I am halfway to where I want to be, and to where I know I'll get. The new me is so much happier. Things don't get to me as much. My marriage is better. My self-esteem is soooo much more improved!
