Not sure how to react sometimes...

This was a draft from 2011 After I did the Warrior Dash

So I've lost 36 pounds, weigh 160.4 lbs and can fit (depending on the manufacturer) in a size 8/10 or Medium. A year ago, I was 196.4 pounds and wearing XXL or 16/18 clothing.

Now, I workout as often as I can. If offered a training session by my awesome trainer Greg Taylor at Anytime Fitness in Ortonville (both deserve a plug!) I totally take him up on it. The more, the better.

A year ago, if you offered me more cake ... what the heck, I was already overweight so what did it matter. I hated doing anything that involved cardio but still tried to act like I was fit enough to stand at a horse show taking pictures all day, which resulted in ALOT of pain!

Recently, people have been telling me how awesome I look. How skinny I look. I get congratulated frequently. The paper did a story on how I completed the Warrior Dash (http://oxfordleader.com/one-dirty-runwarrior-dash-5k/) and people congratulate me for that also. I have to be honest and say I have no idea how to handle this. I have to fight the overwhelming urge to minimize what I have accomplished and merely say "Thank you" with a smile and acknowledge that I have worked really hard. So why is it so awkward for me? Its hard to know how to act when you go from being somewhat invisible to being noticed by people. I am used to being overlooked and was comfortable with that. But now, people are noticing not just the change in my body, but the change in ME and I am struggling to know how to cope with it.

Don't get me wrong, who doesn't love positive attention! I do love it. But there is always the little voice in the back of my head telling me that "you aren't there yet", "you'll never reach your goal", "people are just being nice, they don't mean it". Its that voice that I have to overcome on a daily basis. Its the same stupid voice I listened to for the past ... um... all my life. The voice often tells me I don't measure up and never will and the voice needs to go away.

I'm trying to come to grips with new things like confidence. Its like coming out of a fog and looking into a mirror at yourself in a way you never did before. Sometimes I have an urge to go back to where its safe, for what I know is comfortable...but with renewed confidence and self-awareness this only lasts a moment and I head back to the gym. Sometimes the new me gets really scared that this is just a "phase" and I will stop going to the gym. I panic and resolve to not let my new active lifestyle be a fad.

I've not completed my journey. I am halfway to where I want to be, and to where I know I'll get. The new me is so much happier. Things don't get to me as much. My marriage is better. My self-esteem is soooo much more improved!

Warrior Dash!!!!

I Did It! 1:13:37.70 was my time! I cannot begin to describe what an amazing feeling it was to finish the Warrior Dash! I am a 46 year old woman and I friggin did it! I weighed almost 200 pounds a year ago and I did the f-ing Warrior Dash!

The Ups and Downs of Weight Loss

I've lost 41 pounds, how amazing is that???  I was so excited when I got on the scale and it said 155 pounds.  I high-fived my trainer, high-fived another trainer, and hugged the gym owner!  I had, a few years back, resigned myself to being fat, overweight, frumpy.  I cried in the shower after my workout that day, not because I was sad, but because I NEVER thought I would be able to wear a small shirt or size 10 jeans ever again.  

Something changed in me a year ago and I realized I wanted to be small again.  A kind word made me rethink my position on resigning myself to always being fat.  Aching joints and feet made me think about how nice it would be to be in shape so I joined the gym (after several weeks of debating it in my head) and never looked back!

I wish I could say the weight loss has always been a wonderful, uphill climb.  It hasn't been.  Its been full of ups and downs both physically and emotionally.  Some days are filled with the pain of sore muscles and injuries.  Some days are filled with emotional turmoil at either not losing weight or not knowing how to handle the new person I am becoming.  Some days I am confident in myself and my abilities and some days I feel like a loser still.

Lately, all of the sudden, people have been telling me how skinny I look, or marvel at how much weight I've lost or how much I've changed.  Its a battle even knowing how to accept the praise.  The old me would just minimize the accomplishment by saying it was nothing, or that I haven't yet reached my goal, or I haven't lost that much yet...but I battle to overcome those reactions and accept the compliment graciously continues.  It was hard work!  It took a long time! I had to be disciplined in my eating and training to accomplish my weight loss!  So now I say "Thank you, I've worked really hard to get here!"

But all days are not smiling happiness or joy.  Just this weekend, I went shopping to get new clothing because everything I own practically is too big.  I was excited to be able to fit into small shirts!  I tried on about 25 shirts and 5 pairs of pants/shorts.  I came home with 3 shirts and a pair of shorts.  I'm too big for smalls and to small for mediums.  So annoying.  So I dressed for an evening with friends I hadn't seen in awhile in what I felt was a nice outfit that was slimming and went on my way.  During the course of the evening, pictures were taken with cell phones and as I looked at the pictures, I saw that I still was pretty much the biggest one in the pictures.  Still, after all this hard work, I am not where I want to be.  I am not sure why exactly this upset me so greatly because I am certainly MUCH smaller than I was a year ago, but it did, and it carried over into the next day.  The image in my head of how I look never seems to match what appears in the mirror (or camera).  Sometimes the image in my head is still 40 pounds overweight and sometimes its way smaller than I actually am.  

I realize this is a journey.  Its a LONG, HARD journey.  It doesn't just change the physical appearance, it changes the person inside also.  Its hard to come to terms with who I have been and who I am becoming.  Its a time of drastic change, not just in my physical appearance but in how I handle life.  Its emotionally draining at times.  I don't think most people understand unless they have gone through it.  I yearn for my husband to acknowledge the accomplishment and tell me he is proud of me.  I have no doubt he is proud of me but it would be nice to hear it without having to ask.  But I didn't really do this for him, or for anyone but myself and I need to remember that.  Once I take the focus off of why I did this (for me alone) it no longer is my accomplishment.  Its not a competition with other gym members.  Its not meant to change how people view me or act with me.  It is mine alone, my journey to finding out who I am and what I am capable of.

Promoting Health

Back in May I signed up with ViSalus Sciences to do their 90 day challenge. If you care to check it out, my website is www.loseweighteasy.bodybyvi.com (cheesy name, I know). My mother had been telling me about the 90 day Challenge since the beginning of the year. Being a natural skeptic and self-professed "know-it-all", I listened but didn't really take it seriously.

Mother's day weekend, I went down to Ohio to see my mom and to take pictures of my brother's congregation (I do photography as a side job). At a family get together at my mom's, I talked at length with my sister-in-law, Diane, who introduced my mom to the Body By Vi products. Just so you, the blog reader can understand, my sister-in-law researches EVERYTHING to death! This is something I LOVE about her. She doesn't just take somebody's word for how a product works, she actually goes out and finds out for herself! She never endorses anything unless she believes 150% in its effectiveness.

I also noticed that my mother, who was tired ALL the time last time (often needing a nap mid day), was not as tired as she had been last time I was home. In fact, she went all day without needing to lie down or nap.

That alone sold me. I was so tired every day at about 3:00 PM, I often would need to walk around or drink coffee to keep awake. Clearly something was missing. Also, I had hit a wall in my weight loss. I hadn't really lost a pound or any inches in over a month and was a little discouraged. When I started this weight loss journey, I decided to alter my lifestyle in a way that wasn't unreasonable (i.e. starving myself with carrots and celery). I had been tracking what I ate on a website (www.nutrimirror.com) but got away from it when I was away from my computer for any period of time. I was hopeful that the shakes would kick start my weight loss and they did just that :)

Since I joined in May and started on the shakes, I've lost 8 more pounds and gone down another size. Certainly my training at the gym is an important key to my weight loss (props to Extreme Results Personal Training and Greg Taylor, my awesome trainer). But Diet is also key and if the Body By Vi shakes help me with calories and keep me feeling full...why not have a shake every morning!

So to wrap this post up, here is what I do...everyone is different so you need to find the balance that works for you and is sustainable. I do a Body by Vi shake every morning at 8:30 when I get to work. I use unsweetened almond milk (8 oz) and typically make a strawberry/banana chocolate shake. (1 banana, 5 frozen unsweetened strawberries and 1 tbsp of Cocoa). With the banana its about 250 calories. I only use a banana for breakfast. (I typically only do the breakfast shake but for weight loss two shakes a day are recommended with a full meal at dinner.) At about 10:00 AM I have a cheese stick or hardboiled egg and then I go to the gym for training at 11:30 AM. I get back to work and eat my lunch, which is usually a salad with chicken cooked on the George Foreman grill. At about 3 PM I have another egg or cheese stick and sometimes a snack of healthy whole grain crackers or pretzels. Then dinner as usual. I watch my portions and try to stay low fat, higher protein. So far I am happy with the results. I don't feel like I am starving all the time. If I have a few days of crazy eating, I simply do a shake for breakfast and lunch for a day or so. I am loving this whole journey and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the ease of the shakes! No more Egg McMuffins because I am in too much of a hurry to make oatmeal.

So, that is my Body By Vi story so far. I am still researching, still skeptical but less so every day! I am also researching the science behind the product and the more I learn, the more I like. Also, it is a total package. Making a lifestyle change to be healthy includes exercise and diet. Yes you can lose weight with just the shakes or adjusting your diet, but how healthy are you really? Exercise is the key to sustained weight loss and keeping your body young. Go for a walk! Go swimming! Get off the couch and live life!

Workout Marathon

Yesterday, I was on a mission. I had gotten on the scale at the gym after my morning workout with Greg to find that I had lost another pound :). I was thrilled and wanted to keep it up. My workout with Greg was brutal as usual (which I LOVE) and we extended it a little longer than we normally do.

After work, I went back to the gym to give a massage and debated about doing Boot Camp. I had worked out legs and Boot Camp is usually heavy in leg exercises. So at about 5 minutes into the class, I decided to just do it. Greg's Boot Camps are pretty grueling and at the end I had sweat dripping from all over. It was crazy and hard and I loved every minute of it.

But I was not finished!!! Because I am an Extreme Results Client, I naturally had to take this to a whole other level...so I did Spin Class. I thought my legs were going to fall off and at one point thought I might be physically ill...but I did it!

My inspiration for this workout craziness is Charity and Sheila. These two ladies work out so hard every day! They spend hours at the gym working out on their own or with Greg and when that is done, they do the classes. They both inspire me to keep going and to keep going harder, longer and with determination.

During Spin class, the bikes are set up in front of the wall of mirrors. This used to be the "Wall of Shame" because when I looked into the mirror, I just saw a fat, middle-aged lady. But last night, during spin class, I really looked at myself in the mirror and I looked pretty good! My neck was so much thinner. My face was thinner. I had muscles in my shoulders, chest and arms! True my thighs and legs are still way bigger than I want, but I know by looking at the rest of me that its just a matter of time before I banish ALL the fat!

This past year has been one of extremes, so Extreme Results Training and the Extreme Fitness Studio really fit with me. I was extremely overweight, extremely depressed and thought I would never get out of the extreme rut I was in. Then, I made an extreme choice to join Anytime Fitness even though our finances were extremely tight. I workout with extreme determination every chance I get and I am extremely pleased with the results. My live is so much better with exercise. I hope I NEVER lose this drive to succeed and become the best me I can be physically!

The Ups and Downs of Losing Weight

Sometimes its my weight that is up and down, up and down....I hate when I spend a week or two eating right, being very careful to have a calorie deficit while eating healthy food and I step on the scale and boom +2 pounds. Two days later -3. Its maddening!

Before you comment, I know that I should take measurements as sometimes we lose size, not necessarily weight. I know if I had a meal with a lot of sodium that it could be water weight. I know that if it is a certain time of the month, I weigh more. I know these things but at the moment I step on the scale all confident that I've dropped another pound - I DON'T CARE! I just want to see a smaller number!

And another thing is the fact that looking at a twinkie I gain a pound without even eating it...but to lose a pound I have to burn 3,500 calories, which could take a week or more. How is that even fair? I seriously look at just about everything I eat in terms of how much time I need to spend on the elliptical burning it off...suddenly the twinkie isn't quite as appetizing.

I am thankful I have friends at the gym who know and understand what it means to lose weight. They are struggling with the same issues I am, or have struggled with them. I just want to finally get at my goal weight and look in the mirror at a skinnier me. In my head I'm skinny, I just want the mirror to show what's in my head LOL :)

Almost below 170

I weighed myself today after I worked out with my trainer Greg. I was at 170 pounds...can you believe it??? 170!!!! It feels so good!

I reread my first post about what fat feels like and it helps me see how far I've come. When I first joined the gym I could barely do the elliptical at 0 resistance for 10 minutes at about 80 rpms. I walked on the treadmill because it was easier.

Now, I train 4 times a week for 30 minutes with Greg who pushes me beyond what I thought I could accomplish. I can do 100 squats, 50 lunges, throw a slam bag over a tower of steps all with a weighted vest on! I can do 2 minutes on Jacob's ladder, lift weights, do 20 mintues on the elliptical on Auto Pilot at 120-130 rpms! I do or try to do everything Greg asks me and then I go back to the gym for an hour long Zumba class or Boot Camp and this Thursday hopefully Spin Bike Class. I've lost 26 pounds!

Can you believe that now, instead of looking forward to going home and watching TV after work, I now look forward to going to the gym and being part of what's going on there whether or not I work out for the second time in a day.

I still have 50 pounds to lose and now I have new goals...I am doing the Warrior Dash in July and my goal is to complete each and every obstacle and to finish the course. I want to do a 5k whether walking or running. I want to be able to complete a Zumba or Boot Camp class without stopping and I want to wear a sexy dress and look hot!

I've lost 26 pounds, I have 50 ish more to go...I cannot wait to see where this journey takes me.

Fast Forward

I really need to update more often. Fast forward to today. The gym has become an integral part of my life as I go there pretty much every day. Greg, my trainer, has become a part of the family and without him I would be lost (and the weight wouldn't be). Tony, Bekah and Jenna have all joined the gym and Tony trains with Jared 2-3 times a week, while I now train with Greg 4-5 times a week. Since January 1, 2011 I've lost 25 pounds, 4 pant sizes and am in the best shape ever.

I admittedly slowed my weight loss by not tracking what I was eating for the past month or so, but thanks to Greg's awesome training, I did not gain any weight and still lost a few pounds. I am getting back on track using Nutrimirror (www.nutrimirror.com) to track my eating once again.

I recently returned to see my family in Ohio and they couldn't believe the difference. I still have quite a ways to go (50 pounds) but I am well on my way to a fat free life. While I was in Ohio visiting, my mother and sister-in-law started telling me about a meal replacement shake they started taking. Mom had lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks by having one shake a day and my sister-in-law worked with many people who were losing weight and feeling better with these shakes so I signed up. If nothing else, if I can get the energy my mom now has and help jump-start my weight loss again...its worth it. It is Body By Vi, http://www.loseweighteasy.bodybyvi.com/ (my website).

Mom actually looked younger, had more energy and lost weight. I am doubtful it is a miracle cure. There is no cure for obesity besides eating right and exercise, I honestly relize this, but having a shake for breakfast is easy to do, gives me vitamins and nutrients I need and elminiates my quick stop at McDonalds because I got up too late to fix something. I have a mini-blender at work with frozen fruits in the freezer and it takes me 5 minutes to make a shake (if that). My boss is even trying it.

Also, life at the gym has taught me how important protein is for muscle health. I was already doing protein shakes so this is a turbo-charged protein shake due to the vitamins and minerals added. Why not try it, as I was already doing this.

I will try to keep this blog updated from now on on my success :)